Dream

We have a dream.  It's kinda intimidating.  Almost too big to share...  Why do we like to keep our dreams to ourselves?  Too intimidating, even to us?!  Fear of everyone knowing, and then it not coming true?  The possibility of it really coming true?!  :)  Maybe the dream will change.  Maybe it will be above and beyond all we can ask or imagine?!  Maybe it'll look totally different in the end?

big ol' family... 

Anyway.  We have a dream....  I went back in my blog to February 2010 and saw that I shared some of it then, too!  Heh.  So here we are, one year later, still dreaming!  Hummm...  We've taken a few steps forward and maybe a few steps back?  But we haven't let go.

Our dream is to adopt and for Kevin to be able to write for his job.  So if we could push those two together and see what that could look like...  Big house, big yard, lots of kids coming and going, Daddy in his office about to publish his next big work...  sounds good, huh?!  Kind of a combination between Funny Farm and Cheaper by the Dozen??

isn't his office in one of those windows
on the second floor behind him?

My prayer for Kevin for the past year or so is that he'd have a vision, a dream.  (Proverbs 29:18  "Where there is no vision, the people perish"  right?)  He's come to realize that if he could do anything, he'd work from home, spend time with his family, and write.  His schedule would be flexible enough for him to be involved in other ministries and opportunities in the church.  Awesome.  It's exciting to know what you'd love to do!  A vision is really a great thing!  Now what?!  Heh.  How do you go about accomplishing that dream?

Well, normally, people don't just fall into writing jobs overnight.  So do we wait and try by writing and sending things out?  Yeah...  Kevin has been writing and his new project is pretty cool.  He figured he'd write out his devotions everyday and share them with you!  Check it out at http://www.everydaydevotions.com !  Writing is one good step to becoming a writer.  But we also could use a little bit of money now...  :)  So look for a job and write on the side...  so we look for a job.  And until he's found a job and settled in, we can't really proceed with the adoption/homestudy stuff...  Is this what God wants us to do?

Sometimes we think too much.  We don't want to just go off in our own way and dream our own dream.  Is this what God's plan is?  Is this the dream He's given us and put into our hearts.  Biblically, who could argue with us wanting to be a home for lonely orphans?  Who could disagree with writing to encourage others in the faith?  But where's the line between what we want and what He wants?  It makes all the difference.  If this is His plan, we hang on tight and run forward.  If it's our plan, we hold loosely and be prepared to let go.   Show us Your way for us, Lord!  We want to know it, and pursue it!

Cheaper by the Dozen farmhouse 

So I guess for now we step forward, be prepared for excitement, and...  wait.  We know God has good plans.  Each day we will seek to please Him.  And hopefully in the end we'll see the pieces of the bigger picture fall into place.

Ephesians 3:20
"Now to Him who is able to do
Immeasurably More than all we Ask or Imagine,
according to His Power that is at Work within us,
to Him be Glory in the church 
and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations
forever and ever! Amen."

seeing through their eyes

Sometimes I forget that America is the new culture to my kids!  Kevin and I have noticed a few differences, but for the most part we feel like we've slid back into US living.  We were told sometimes the re-entry can be really tough.  Well, finding a job and figuring out what's next is hard for us...  But cultural things haven't seemed too wacky for us.  Now the kids...  They are almost experiencing the US for the first time.  Especially Elijah and maybe a little bit for Ruth.  Wow.   All he knows is Armenia.  I think he let most things state-side just slip away from his little memory and embraced life in Yerevan.

It was fun to experience Target with all of them.  A little overwhelming for us all!  So much stuff.  You don't go there to just get a doll... you have to decide between hundred of dolls first!  Crazy.  Elijah had no idea how big it was.  He was just thrilled in the first little corner where all the books are.  "Wow!"  And, "Look!"  Then we went back to the toys where we told them they each had $10 to spend on something they wanted.  They ran through the isles and looked and explored.  Then it got tough.  They had to decide!  Whew.  Talk about too many choices.  The boys ended up with new light sabers and the girls picked a fur real toy dog and a pet vet Barbie.  As we were walking out with our goodies, Elijah exclaimed, "This place is a MIRACLE!"  The miracle of Target!  :)

The cereal aisle!  Wow.  Again, hundreds of choices.  It's been fun to get lots of different cereals to try.   Breakfast is exciting around here.  When we were at Uncle Scotte's for Christmas, his whole cupboard was full of different cereals!  They'll probably remember that until they're old folks reminiscing on the days gone by.  I know I still remember how my grandma always had those little boxes of different cereals when we went to visit her.  It was a huge treat.  And I had lots of cereal at home, too...  I hadn't just come from overseas where there were about four choices!

After Christmas, Elijah's little stocking stuffer toy broke.  He was so sad but I kept reassuring him that we'd go to Walmart and look for a new one.  He kept crying.  I kept reassuring him that we'd look at Walmart.  Finally he looked up at me and said, "MOM!  I don't even know what that IS!?"  Oops...  How could he know what Walmart was!?  I guess the last time he was there was two years ago when he had just turned four years old.  "Baby, it's just like Target, the place that was a miracle!  Kind of like the big store in Armenia where we went Christmas shopping..."  (It's like a warehouse with lots of little shops in one big building.)  He was okay then!

When we went to Walmart together, we'd talked in the car about going to the library that day, too.  So when we stepped into Walmart Elijah said, "THIS is the Library?!"  Heh...  "No, baby.  This is Walmart!"  Walmart wasn't quiet as exciting because we were mostly there to get practical things and a few groceries.

This is the Grand Forks children's library...
I still need to upload the pic of him next to Superman
here at the Williston library!  :)

The kids have all loved the library!  There is even a picture of Superman flying while reading a book, which Elijah is SURE is the Bible, "because he's a superhero!"  I guess the superheros must all read their Bibles, right?!  We are planning to go every Friday afternoon and they're enjoying reading, reading, reading.  Benjamin checks out big ol' Astronomy and Oceanography books.  He brought home one on General Grant, too.  We've also read lots of Bearinstine Bears books and brought home a few videos, too.  Elijah likes finding the silliest books he can find...  last week it was a book about a Grump and this week we read a few books about chickens!  I read MaryBeth Chapman's book Choosing to SEE over a weekend!  Kev's been reading books about writing!  Library's are good.  It's funny the things I have to explain to the younger kids, though...  "We're  not buying these books!  We're checking them out just to borrow.  You have to give the lady your card and she'll swipe it and then she'll swipe your books.  Now she knows who has which books..."  I feel like explaining to the moms next to me...  we've been overseas!  And we always say, as we walk up to the library...  "What's the number one rule at the library??  Be Quiet!  Whisper!"  :)

I love how everything here has to be explained through the eyes of Armenia.  We had Mexican food on flat tortilla bread.  The kids kept calling it lavash and saying it wasn't as good as Armenia's lavash.  "Well, it's like lavash but not quite..."  And then when we had lefse, we explained this is a lot like lavash...  The lefse was a bigger hit for the kids than the tortillas were!  Yum.

Remember in church in Armenia when the kids went to class after the music... they do that here, too!  But everyone speaks English!  Remember Lover's Park in Armenia...  this park is kind of like that one.  Remember the fountains at the Republic Square...  Kansas City has lots of fountains kind of like that!  Remember the kababs...  a snack wrap is kind of like that but with chicken.  CanadInn, that's like Water World...  McDonalds has a playland kind of like Play City...  Or, the kids will say things like, "Why don't we just call a taxi?"  "Well, they don't really do taxi's here!"  Or at church one Sunday someone told us there was coffee after the service.  Elijah asked, "What about the TEA?!"  Only coffee...  good grief!  Lijah wants his tea!

our kids at the mall in Grand Forks, ND
the first few weeks we were back in the US

We've also moved from a huge city of over a million back to our little town of 15,000.  When we're going out the door, the kids all think they need to get books and toys for the drive!  We tell them, "We'll be there in 5 minutes!  You don't need to get prepared for a long trip across town here!"  You can pretty much get anywhere in Williston in 5 or maybe 10 minutes.  Kev and I timed it when we were dating...  it took 6 minutes to get from my house to his and we lived on opposite sides of town then!  :)

All in all, the kids are very happy here.  We are finally getting off Christmas vacation and settling into our new routines.  Homechool has started again.  And the kids are pretty content.  We're enjoying snow, which we didn't get too much of in Yerevan last year.  And we're looking forward to summer and green grass.  Lijah is looking forward to eating watermelons...  "When the snow has melted off of the little Mt Ararat!"  (Or around the Fourth of July...)  ;)

What is Home?

the kids built a snowman this week
in front of our Williston home

This is an interesting question for our family these past couple years:  What is "home"?  So since I've been pondering it, I thought I should ask the kids.  I'm sure they're thinking about home now, too.  We left our home in the states to move to Armenia, lived there for two years and then left our home in Armenia to come back home here.  Now we're waiting to see what's next in our life and wondering where our next home will be?  In the midst of moving all over the place...  what is home anyway?

Benjamin:  Home is where you are comfortable and can relax.
Hannah:  Home is where your things are and where you can be cozy.
Ruth:  It's where you eat and sleep and are safe from storms...  it's where you're loved.
Elijah:  Home has an oven and a fridge and a bed...  *giggling*

I think home is where your family and things are and where you know what to expect.  Living overseas, we've had to think about a new culture we've tried to learn how they do things and don't do things.  I think each little home is, in a way, it's own little culture.  I can remember going to friends' houses and being surprised (pleasantly and not so pleasantly) about what they could do or could not do...  how far they could go before their parents had had enough.  If they got in trouble right away or not, etc...  If we could play loudly or had to play quietly, inside or outside, if messy is acceptable or not...  Then, I would try to act accordingly!  When you're at your own home, with your own family, you have spent every day of your life learning these things.  So it is comfortable, cozy, safe...  and usually, it does have a bed and a fridge, too!  Hopefully it also has lots of giggles as well!!

you know you're back when you see flags

Peace Garden

I never really paid too much attention to it before, but here in good ol' North Dakota, in the US of A, we like to fly our flags...  both the American flag and the Canadian flag usually!  And sometimes even the blue North Dakota flag along with those!  After being in ND for a week or two, we drove down to Missouri... there you never really see a Canadian flag!  I never noticed it or thought about it before.  Maybe that's why I always felt like our Canadian friends in Armenia were really, actually neighbors.  I see their flag next to ours all the time here!  I guess we are the Peace Garden State...  ;)  I wonder if all the states along the Canadian/US boarder fly them both?  Road trip...?!  :)

Us with Mark and Kim from Canada!  :)

Bestamor

Bestamor and me
August 1996

The day we received $6,000 toward our adoption, said sad good-byes to our friends in Armenia, traveled for 30 hours, were reunited with our family and friends....  was the same day my grandma passed away.  Talk about a roller coaster ride of a day!   She was two weeks away from her 102nd birthday and she had been ready to be Home for a while.  So we're sad but happy for her!

I always called my grandma on my dad's side, "Bestamor".  Bestamor means Grandma in Norwegian.  And she was 100% Norwegian.  Her name was really Edna Cora (Knutson) Johnson.  When I was a little girl, I'd spend a week or two out at "the farm" in central North Dakota with my Bestamor and Grandpa (who was also all Norwegian).  I'd come back home from those visits and call out in my sleep, "Bestamor!  Bestamor!"  I guess we all know what I'd said a hundred times each day for the past two weeks!?  :)

My grandparents lived in a big ol' farm house that they bought right around the time my dad was born in 1940 and farmed the land around it.  There were about 5 or 6 rooms upstairs and then the kitchen, dinning room, living room, master bedroom downstairs.  I think Bestamor spent most of her time in the kitchen!?  She loved to cook and always made more than enough!

Every Thanksgiving, we'd drive to the farm to have our family celebration along with the huge meal.  Since both my parents are only children, it was easy for my whole family to get together.  So my mom's parents would always be there, too.  And usually Bestamor's sister and her husband, too.  There were always pies, always buns, always mashed potatoes and gravy, and of course, turkey.  Bestamor would put black olives and pickles on the table while they cooked in the kitchen and my brother, Blake, and I would have to eat one whenever we passed through the dining room!

May 1966

For Christmas, all my grandparents would come to our place in Williston.  Bestamor must have filled up the trunk of their car with cookies!  She'd bake and bake.  Bars and cookies and buns...  delish.  She's pack them up in coffee and Crisco containers.  After we'd celebrate Christmas, we'd all eat those expensive chocolates with different flavors or nuts in them...  I always tried to be extra cautious not to waste my couple picks on something gross like coffee!

Bestamor was strong.  She worked on a farm her whole life.  She dug in the gardens and hauled the crops or water around their big yard.  She was tough.  Once when I was there by myself during the summer, I asked her for some jello.  She didn't have any made so she climbed up on the counter to get out the little box to make some.  And she slipped off.  She landed on the floor, stood up holding her arm, and called to my grandpa, "Floyd, I think I broke my arm!"  I stood their eating the Red Hots that she'd given me, not really believing her.  Then Grandpa came out to see.  Yup.  It seemed broken!  She called to him as if she was telling him she'd made coffee or something.  Crazy lady!  :)

Whenever I was at the farm, I would get to do all kinds of fun outdoor things.  Bestamor and Grandpa had a red Radio Flyer wagon.  She would pull me all over the yard in that thing!  They had a tiny hill in their yard and I would pull it to the top and ride it down!  Whee!  :)  She would always let me help her water flowers and talk to me about the birds and squirrels and ladybugs.  We would wear matching sun hats.  They always grew a bunch of green peas.  I love peas in the pod!  I remember picking them and then sitting as a family on the porch, cracking open pods and eating peas as the sun set.  Grandpa had a loader type machine out on the farm.  They'd load Blake and I up in the front scoop, along with Bestamor and drive around the yard.  It was always fun.  Looking back at it, I wonder how that started!?  Heh.

Bestamor and Grandpa started letting me bring a friend along to the farm when I'd go out there for the summers.  I had a few different friends come along different summers.  Emily, Beth, Heather...  We loved just hanging out and exploring the farm.  Then one day, they'd drive us up to Minot, ND and take us to the zoo and to the pool with the slide.  Fun!  We'd eat ice cream bars and fruit for snacks and catch frogs down by the ditches or climb hay bales to watch the sunset.  They were so good to me.  Imagine their quiet farm life shaken up for a week in the summer with two young girls giggling around the place!

1909
Bestamor's the chubby baby on the left,
next to her twin brother.
Behind them ar her other brother and sister.
(she also had a baby brother)

Bestamor never drove!  She never had a license!  So Grandpa drove everywhere.  And that was just fine by her.  (But she never knew how to get anywhere, either, because she never had to pay attention!)  She would tell me that when she was growing up, her brothers would ride bike and the girls would watch and the boys went ice skating and the girls would watch!  Wow.  I wonder if I would have been able to just watch all those years ago.  Maybe it was just accepted and cultural then.  I can't imagine!  Ha!  :)

Bestamor kept marbles in a pringles container.  Had a doorbell that rang out songs.  Watered all her plants all the time.  Kept cattails as decorations.  Had empty blue vases in the window just because they were pretty.  Kept pictures of Blake and I all over the house from when we were born until the present.  Always had Tang and Squirt.  Always had cookies and coffee for "lunch" at 2.  Had a big bucket on the counter with a scoop in it for getting a drink.  (I know, unsanitary...)  Stood at the sink with Grandpa as they washed and dried dishes.  (I always thought it was kinda sweet...)  She let me play with my Dad's old toys...  horses and tractors and a porcelain doll that had been peed on.  She had a lamp looked like the images were moving because it rotated around the light so the water appeared to be trickling down the stream, etc.  Her sheets were always crisp.  She did her laundry in an old tub that squeezed the clothes out flat to get them dry and then, of course, hung them on the line.  They watched Hee Haw and loved those old corny jokes.  Readers Digest.  Newspapers.  Country magazines.  She usually had pins stuck in the side of her chair so she could use them for whatever project she was working on.  She crocheted cool things like dolls and puppies and bears.  She made a really big doll that I just found in the closet here.  It's maybe 3 feet tall and has a pink dress and her hair is brown ringlets.  Hannie thinks it's really cool!

Blankets.  Bestamor made tons of them!  Now that we're back in the US and even living in the house she lived in in Williston, we are surrounded, and covered, with her crotched blankets.  Heavy, warm, and colorful!  I love it.

Bestamor was a letter writer.  We must have written to each other nearly every week.  Again, living here, I've found lots of letters that I've written to her over the years.  They are interesting to read.  I ask her about flowers and weather and doctor visits, tell her about the kids and college and Kevin and Blake.  I thank her for helping get us through college!  Education was important to her even though she only went to school through eighth grade.

It's been interesting flipping through some of Bestamor's journals.  She wrote about 5 sentences, or phrases, really, about each day.  Every day!  Every day she wrote about the weather (farmer).  Highs and lows.  She wrote about who stopped by or called.  "Jimmy stopped."  She wrote about if she cleaned this room or that spot, got a haircut, went for a walk...  She said so little and still, a lot.  I saw on my wedding day the high was 102, I was a beautiful bride and Kevin was a handsome groom.  :)  She got her hair done.  Reading through them makes me smile.  I can just picture each of those days.  "Sat on he patio."  "Shoveled the walk."  "Baked buns."

our last Christmas all together...  2008
Bestamor, surrounded by family

Bestamor had a beautiful smile.  She always told me that her older sister, Alva, was the pretty one.  That always kinda made me mad, or protective, or something...  How many years had she'd thought that?  Bestamor was a beautiful lady and even more beautiful inside.  She never complained.  She even would say, "Can't complain." if you asked her how she was... even when her arm was broken.  She read her Bible every day.  Went to church with Grandpa faithfully.  Made quilts to give away.  Made goodies to share.  Helped others.  Smiled.

After Bestamor's funeral, Hannie said she hoped people would say all that nice stuff about her someday. Me, too.

(~these pics were just some that I found on my computer...  wish I'd found the one of the farm to share with you, too...  I'll look!)  ;)

$6,000

Have you ever been really surprised?  Blessed and surprised?  The day we left Armenia (like 4 hours before we had to be at the airport...)  we were given a check for $6,000 to be used toward our adoption!  Wow.  We don't know who it's from.  It was given through another friend.  So as we're spinning to get our house finished up and all the last minute things packed away...  Wow!  Surprise!

We're so excited to see God's hand in these plans.  It seems like every time we start to think, "wha?" we get another bump encouraging us to keep moving forward.  Sometimes it seems to me like we're kinda playing red light, green light!  Heh.  Now we have the money to move forward but we don't have a job or our own house!  Bah!  Still trying to get our footing after returning from overseas right now!   I'm just not sure that the homestudy folks will be excited about our plan of God-will-work-it-all-out?!

But  I know that in His good time we will know the plan and look back to see that it's all been good.  Waiting is hard.  God is good.  In due time we'll see the end of the adoption journey that he's laid before us.  For now...  WHOOOO-HOOOOO!  And thank you to the ones who have blessed us and have given toward changing orphans' lives!  Can't wait to share the end of the race with you all!!

Go, wait, go, wait....   anticipation....  :)

I just heard Beth Moore say something like waiting involves longing, or else it's just time passing...  she was saying how God longs with us.  Longing and rejoicing.  Both.